The 5 worst commercials on ESPN 1000

Conall's post about Duncan Keith reminded me of one of my pet peeves: terrible, terrible radio commercials. I listen to Mike and Mike on the way to work in the morning, mainly because while I don't always agree with them, they aren't ginormous assholes (like Silvy) and mostly talk about sports the whole time (unlike that Afternoon Saloon crap.) Unfortunately I have to sit through some terrible commercials in between. Off the top of my head, here are the 5 worst:

5. 1-877-kars4kids

All the "donate your car for a cause!" commercials are terrible, but this one takes the cake, with a little obnoxious kid that can't sing singing the annoying verse, then an older guy condescendingly sings the same verse much better. It would be higher, but it makes me think the cars actually get donated to the kids who need a new ride, and then I laugh at them driving off the road in my head.

4. Head and Shoulders commercials with Troy Polamalu

In the radio version of these commercials, which is somehow worse than the TV ones, the interviewer is trying to conduct an actual interview, but all Troy will talk about is his goddamn hair. Head and Shoulders is doing for Troy what Subway did for Jared, taking someone I have no problem with and making me want to punch him in the head if I ever saw him in real life. (Of course, the difference being Troy would kick my ass.)

3. McDonalds

Conall illustrated the awfulness of the radio ones, so let me go off on a tangent to the stupid TV ones where this pretentious asshole keeps blowing everyone off because he hasn't had his coffee yet, including the woman manning the counter at the McDonalds that he walked in to. NO ONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOUR DUMBASS ANYWAY! It reminds me of the Simpsons where Homer goes up to the drive-thru and says "Nothing for me today, I have a class to teach!"

2. Gerber Collision and Glass

(Set to an incredibly obnoxious tune)
Driving in my car beep-beep/
Obeying the law sure is neat/
Hope no one crashes into me/
Oh wait! Here comes a car/
It's my lucky day/
Plenty of time to get out of it's waaaay....

This is the asshole that drives 30 on the expressway and refuses to turn in front of you on a red light when it's perfectly legal. You are just as dangerous as the guy going 90, you overly-cautious weenie. It does, however lend itself to another excellent Simpsons quote:

Simpson, Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history/
From the, town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree...Ah!

1. Anything during the friggin Mike and Mike broadcast

They've started this thing where they interrupt the actual talk segments for live commercials read by whoever's hosting. I'm fine with radio hosts selling me things during clear commercial breaks, but I have a problem with them weaving it into the content. And the commercials have been for terrible things like something useless called stamps.com, and an auction site that makes you pay to make bids whether you win the item or not.

I'm watching PTI right now and Jaworski just said "Favre literally put the Vikings on his shoulders and led them to victory." Favre is worse than all of these commercials combined.