All time historical starting 5...

Sometimes, during the free time I have because I view reading assignments as optional, I have this recurring thought: what if people who lived hundreds, or maybe thousands of years ago, were really good at sports, but their skills went untapped because the sport had no been invented yet. For instance, Maybe there was someone in the Ming Dynasty who could destroy MJ in one-on-one. Or, maybe some peasant from the 1300s could have thrown a nasty slider and a mid 90s heater. Who knows?

This thought led me to another interesting train of thought. If you could pick any five historical figures to put together a starting five for a basketball game, who would you pick? Obviously, no actual athletes can be chosen, and the figures must be documented to have actually existed, (no Hercules or Paul Bunyan). After about an hour and a half (that is actually how long we discussed it) of discussion with my roommates, here is my starting 5, plus a 6th man and a coach. I like to picture them being announced like they do it at Bulls Games. So without further ado...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD NOW, THE STARTING LINEUP FOR YOUR WORLD HISTORICAL ALL STARS. AAAAT FORWARD, FROM MEXICO, MONTEZUMA THE SECOND

Montezuma is a great choice for the 3 guard here. Despite being undersized, as most people on this team are, he led the Aztec Empire at the height of its reign, and fell only to the Spaniards because he initially thought they were gods. With coaching, he could overcome issues like this. Plus, there would be no question about his heart, since Aztecs who lost sporting events were usually sacrificed to the gods. No doubt, Montezuma II play hard to avoid being sacrificed to the sun god.


FROM SIBERIA, AT FORWARD, 5'8", GRIGORI RASPUUUUUUUUTIN

Again, an undersized player, but most good historical figures were small. Rasputin comes with a great nick name, "the mad monk" and could certainly intimidate opponents. He is described as having long arms and legs, giving him great length as a defender. There are character questions (Despite being a clergyman, Rasputin was known to drink and have countless afairs with women, including one that yielded an illegitimate child) as well as questions of selfishness (many credit him with bringing down the Russian Empire). Still, the good out weighs the bad.

Rasputin's toughness is beyond question. During an assasination attempt, Rasputin was fed food and wine laced with enoguh cyanide to kill five men. When he was unaffected, one of his assasins shot him in the back and left him, only to return and discover that he was alive when Rasputin, who was pretending to be dead, jumped on him and tried to strangle him. During the struggle, Rasputin is alleged to have whispered "you bad boy" into the ear of his assasin. Finally, the assasins co-conspirators arrived and shot Rasputin three more times before dumping his body in the Neva river. When the body was discovered three days later in the river, an autopsy showed that Raputin had died not of his gunshot wounds or from the poision, but from drowning.

Would you try and post up on this guy? No way. I want him on my team.


THE MAN IN THE MIDDLE, FROM THE HOLY LAND, 9'6", GOLIAAAAAATH

I was hesitant about this pick, since Goliath is well documented as a soft player, (got killed when King David threw a rock at him). Still, anyone listed at six cubits and a span (which comes out to 9-foot-6) gets a spot in my starting five. Even Abraham Lincoln, my backup 5, has no chance of getting a board over Big G, and he would quite literally play above the rim, since he would be only four inches from it. I'm not in love with the pick, but I think his size alone makes him the obvious choice.


A GUARD, FROM EGYPT, MOOOOOOSESSSSSSS

Out of all of my picks, I'm most confident in this one, Moses as my point guard. Is there a better leader in history than Moses? He led the Jews out of Egypt and pretty much got them to the promised land, (he died on a hill overlooking it before he could get there). He'd make a great floor general, and he could part defenders like the Red Sea. No health issues either, since he is said to have lived to be 120. This is a slam dunk pick.


FROM NAZARTH, AT GUARD, JESUS CHRIST


I would feel silly if Jesus didn't make the starting five. Is there a better pure scorer in history? I mean, he took the sins of humanity on his back, he could easily carry a team. Again, there are questions about his competitive fire, since he is all about forgiveness, but still, if there's a final shot to win a game, I'm putting ball in the hands of the only son of God. No comeback is impossible, no deficet too great. A miracle comeback is always possible.


6th man and head coach...

First man off the bench would have to be Genghis Kahn, a tenacouis defender with a lot of energy and a merciless will to win. I see him as a forward, maybe a 2 guard. I'd start him, but I see him as being almost too high energy for his own good. I think he would get too fired up, make mistakes, and ultimately cost his team games. Better to let him watch for a couple minutes to keep his emotions in check.

Head Coach is Sun Tzu, a Chinese military commander and author of "The Art of War." I'm fudging a little, since there is debate on whether or not he is real, but I can't think of anyone better to lead a team, especially with some softness concerns.


So that's my team. Feel free to post your own five, or to debate mine, (although I see no possible weakness).

I also see this premise as being ripe for a video game. If any of you have connections with EA, hook me up.

Joakim Noah, Kenny Smith, and Greg Maddux walk into a bar...

Just some random thoughts today:

1. My objection to Kenny's parity comment was more that it came off as "Rawr, you young whippersnappers think this is a good series? Why, back in my day we played our first round series barefoot in the snow! And every game went to quintuple overtime! And the series were best of 14! Don't ask how that works, it just does!"

Then he presents the Warriors-Mavericks as the best like anyone with half a brain would agree with him. I just hate it when analysts feel the need to have contradictory opinions just to seem like a connoisseur.

And I probably would feel a little ripped off about this series, too, if the only game I got to go to was game 3 (I lucked out and went to game 4 and game 6 as well.)

2. I think Joakim Noah is really somewhere in between the "poor-man's Dennis Rodman" as I believe Sir Charles described him as, and the bumbling, spaced out pothead we saw his rookie year. Yes, his interior defense looked really good against some inferior big man (although you can make a case for Kendrick Perkins being in the top 10 of offensive big men in the NBA right now,) but what encouraged me more was his great defensive rotation and ability to protect the basket against penetration from the guards. When VDN went with the incredibly stupid "4 guards plus Miller" lineup, the Celtics were getting to the rim at will (and that goes for the entire series, not just game 7.) And because on many possessions there were matchups like BG on Scalabrine, Noah was often asked to guard both Celtic big men near the basket, and did a tremendous job with it. If he keeps this improvement up, I'll be happy with Noah getting an extension at the end of next season.

3. Crap, out of time to talk about my mixed feelings on Maddux's retirement ceremony yesterday. Got a rec league championship to win tonight. I'll try to get to it tomorrow.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

I thought it might be appropriate for me to title my first entry after my favorite Charles Barkley-ism because well, even though Chuck is annoying and sometimes incoherent, he is damn entertaining and I also really just like saying "Winner winner chicken dinner," and you should too. I will use this also to do my own little introduction, because even though I have been developing a detailed and comprehensive argument for the Bulls to not re-sign BG, I am technically supposed to be working on something else right now and we can always come back to that later now that the season is officially over. Oh ok and I guess I'll do some quick thoughts on the Bulls-Celtics series.

I'm a lifelong Cubs, Bulls, and Bears fan. In that order. I spent my college days out in California, without cable TV, so for four of the last six years I have been further away from the everyday ins-and-outs of the Chicago sports scene than ever before, but I think that gives me a better perspective, because I am now less satisfied with teams that are "competitive" or entertaining on a daily basis. I am currently not actually employed, though if you click around on my profile (I think) you'll maybe end up at the blog of WeFarm America, where I am currently working on an internship of sorts doing grant writing, marketing, etc. I am starting law school in the fall, so like Tris I aim to get my money's worth this summer. After that, who knows. Now, for the actual sports.

I umm, hate to start off by being a little disagreeable. Oh wait, nevermind, I don't. I am a little bit mystified by the hype over this series, despite how incredible and fun each game has been. (I want my money back for Game 3, seriously, I spent $45 on a ticket and it was the worst sporting event I have been to in my lifetime.) I think Tristan getting upset over Kenny Smith's one word summary of "parity," was a little misplaced. First of all, you can't summarize anything in one word, that is stupid stuff they make you do when you agree to accept buckets of money to make an ass of yourself on TV every night. This series was incredible, but it was incredible and amazing because of a combination of parity and sheer luck. I mean, if you made the Bulls and Celtics (in their current decrepit, injury-riddled, stat) play a 100 times, I think 10 games would look like game 3, 55 would look like game 7, and you would never ever get anything like game 6 ever again. That is what makes the whole thing unforgettable and made it so much fun to watch, but honestly, like most things in life, everyone is downplaying how much sheer random probability played a major role. The teams fit together well, their styles match, and without KG they both are totally reliant on outside shooting (well except when Rondo plays like he did in 1-5, something I am totally unconvinced he can do consistently) which is not a recipe for consistent success in the NBA. I would love to be wrong but I don't see the Bulls as a top 4 team in the East next year, and I am predicting the Magic to win in 5 in the next round.

Last thing, Joakim is definitely a great guy to have on your team, he has a lot of heart and I love him, but don't you think part of the reason he (and Tyrus and Brad) looked so good is because the Celtics backup big men are freakin' Mikki Moore and Scalabrine. I watched this Bulls team all year, even though it almost killed me, because I don't know if you remember this at all, but they were god awful for most of the year, and I haven't heard anyone come up with a reason why their post-trade success was a result of anything other than most NBA guys quit playing very hard toward the end of the season and as Scott Skiles continues to prove, if you run around a lot and hustle you can win a lot of games against teams that you have no business beating.

That was fun. Thanks to Tris for setting this up and inviting me to contribute. That background is killer.

Belated thoughts on Game 6

Here are those thoughts I mentioned in a previous post. Is it stupid to put these thoughts up after game 7? Maybe the first one, but the second I think is relevant.

1. You could see Derrick visibly shaking in his Adidas from about the last 5 minutes of regulation through each overtime. Don't get me wrong, the block on Rondo was a great play, but on offense every play it seemed like he was thinking to himself "please don't fuck up, please don't fuck up..."

And it's not so much his fault. We have huge expectations for the kid, but when it comes down to it, he is a rookie playing in his first playoff series. If it happens next year (when, Vinny or no Vinny, I expect a much longer playoff run,) then we'll have a problem.

And the reason it is stupid to post this now, he had a much better Game 7. Not great, still a few bad passes/decisions in the 4th quarter, but he didn't wilt under the pressure so much.

2. At the end of the first overtime, when we had 4 seconds left to get off a last shot, I turned to the people with me and said "I want any shot here but an off-balance, BG 20 footer." Because everyone and their grandma knew that was what was coming. I know it goes in every once in a while. I also have a friend who wins money on scratch-off lotto tickets a disproportionate amount of the time. Does that mean he should always play the lotto?

The most worrisome thing to me is the fact that BG fouling out of the game filled me with more confidence in our chance to win. Is that really what you want out of your franchise player? Fans to be relieved when he fouls out? Please, GM-wannabe Simmons, take BG on your team, give him 10 million per, and watch him throw up a shot every time the ball comes within 10 feet of him.

BG reminds me a of a certain person who shall remain nameless that plays pickup basketball with us some time (Will knows who I'm talking about, but I'm sure anyone reading this that plays pickup basketball knows someone like him.) He jacks up a shot on 70% of his team's trips downcourt. He can get hot and carry you for 4 or 5 straight games, but it's not even fun. Why should I run around all these screens and get open for a good shot when you're just going to jack up a running 18-footer over 2 guys? I bet there are Bulls players thinking the same thing today.

A More Official Introduction

Hi.

Time to stop giving out sneak-previews and deem this blog open for business. I'll start with our background information, then move on to our goals/manifesto:

We love the Bears and Bulls. Most of us love the Cubs, some the White Sox (It's a 3 to 1 ratio so far, but I'm trying to even that out a little.) A decade or so of mismanagement means that, unless I'm mistaken, none of us have more than a mild attraction for the Blackhawks, although it's been increasing as of late. But more importantly, we love talking about sports. And one day it occurred to me that if morons like Skip Bayless and Jay Mariotti are allowed to spout their half-assed opinions to the masses, why can't we get in on the action? Even if that action is just a long string of curse words directed at BG, or Kevin Gregg, or Jay Cutler (if he underperforms.) We'll try to keep it more intelligent than that, but sometimes you just gotta vent.

The inspiration for this site is more along the lines of a FreeDarko or FJM than the more informational blogs you'll find out there. None of us are quitting our day job or dropping out of college to pursue full-time blogging. The reason I never got around to expressing my 2 thoughts on Game 6 is because I didn't have 10 minutes to sit in front of the computer and put those thoughts down until now (I'll put that post up in a few minutes.) However, hopefully between the 4 (and growing) of us, we'll be able to keep you, most likely our friends and family, up to date on whatever Chicago-sports-related thoughts pop into our heads. And maybe one day someone with absolutely no connection to any of us will stumble in here by accident and be mildly amused enough to bookmark us.

As for me personally, I'm a middle-school math teacher on the South Side of the city. I don't remember a moment of not following the Cubs, Bears, and Bulls, even during the down years. Consider this my apology for not knowing more about hockey, but I think part of my love for those other three sports is the fact that I grew up playing them, and still do regularly (well, softball at least. Is there a way to play in an adult rec baseball league? I need to look into that.) So, back to my original point, From September-May I won't have a whole ton of time to write. Over the summer, however, I may have nothing else to do but ramble (kind of like I am now.)

I'll let the other bloggers introduce themselves at their convenience.

The goal of this site is to be a place where you can go to read a reasonable debate about the important debates/events/games in Chicago, and maybe add your own 2 cents as well. We won't limit it strictly to Chicago, but since that's what most of us live and die with, I'm guessing that's mostly where our focus will be. While we're not designed to be a news site, but I would like to have recurring features that you can count on seeing regularly (the moron one and the blame game are 2, but there are more I'll introduce as we roll them out.)

We also might talk about old-school hip-hop. Or comic book movies. Whatever. This is a labor of love, after all.

PS- How does the spell-check feature for blogspot.com not recognize the word "bloggers?"

Edit- Just fixed a typo my intelligent (and beautiful) wife pointed out.

First Ever Blog Post

So for my first ever blog post, I figured I would write about the Blackhawks second round playoff series with Vancouver, and then maybe some NASCAR analysis. That Talladega sure is something, huh?

Don't worry, that was a joke. Lets talk about the Bulls. As if there's anything else to talk about. 

As a person who admittedly doesn't watch a ton of NBA basketball, watching the Bulls in the playoffs makes me remember that even though the season is too long and regular season games are pretty frequently boring, professional basketball at its highest level is some of the best . This series may have turned me back into a full-time NBA fan. I won't rehash all the amazing things about this series. You watched it, you know what happened. Instead, you can read what I think about this series, since I know you were curious. Lets start with the negative stuff

1. I don't care what Doug Collins says, the Bulls deserve no credit for their performance last night. At least three or four times, Collins said that the Bulls had shown heart by coming back from 14 down to make it a game, but I don't really see it. That game was 100% there for the taking in the fourth quarter, and nobody on the Bulls stepped up to take it. The only reason Game Seven was within reach at all was that as soon as the Celtics got their big point lead, they started playing just as terrible as the Bulls were. Yesterday wasn't a case of who wanted it more, it was a case of who didn't want it the least. Boston missed free throws, got careless with the ball, and got into foul trouble. It should have been a recipe for a W. Instead, Chicago stopped passing, dribbled too much, and missed the open shots they managed to get.
2. Ben Gordon is the most over-valued player in the NBA. He never passes the ball, takes almost exclusively contested shots, and continues to take those shots even if he hasn't made one all night, yet every analyst seems to think that Ben Gordon is where amazing happens. My friend Azim, who watches way more basketball than I do, often refers to him as "the black hole" because the ball never comes out of him. Everyone in Chicago pretty much knows and understands  this about Ben, but somehow Gordon has tricked everyone else in the universe into thinking he is a great shooter. For example, in his April 28th column for ESPN.com's page 2, Bill Simmons wrote a column where he (correctly) detailed after game 2 why the Bulls-Celtics series has the potential to be one of the greatest of all time. While I usually agree with Simmons, he had this little tidbit of information to share with everyone: "All I know is this: Only a few current players can win two games per playoff series by themselves, and he's one of them. If the goal is to win the title and not just compete for one, then I want Ben Gordon on my team. It's as simple as that." I didn't agree with that statement after Ben's huge game 2, and I don't agree with it now. The Bulls will lose just as many games because of Ben Gordon than they will because of him. If he could, he would take every shot in every game, even if he knew he would miss 90% of them. He is too streaky, too selfish, and too terrible at defense. Addition by subtraction: Lose BG.
3. I am tired of Ray Allen. He seems like a nice guy, and I think he does a lot of charity stuff, but I am still tired of him. I'm tired of his shiny head, of his silly arm sleeves, and of his ability to knock down clutch threes.

Now for some good stuff...

1. Everyone talked all series long about the emergence of Derrick Rose, and deservedly so. He played great. Not enough people talked about Joakim Noah, and they should have. Unlike Ben, I want players like Joakim on my team if I'm competing for a championship. Sure, he doesn't have a ton of offensive skills, but he hustles, gets rebounds, scores on tip-ins and gets blocks. Most of all, every one else hates him, which makes me love him. Any player who can make everyone else hate him must be doing something right. Nothing made me happier than hearing Celtics fans chant, "Noah sucks" and as far as I'm concerned his dunk in game 6 was the best play of the series.
2. As evidenced by T's posts, a lot of people think Vinny Del Negro made a lot of stupid decisions in the series, but Doc Rivers made just as many, and he won a championship last year. How many times can Doc bring in Tony Allen for crucial minutes at the end of a game when he hadn't played at all. Rivers has to be the only person in the world who thinks Tony Allen has skills. Tony Allen's mom thinks he should have stayed on the bench.

That's it for this series. It was a nice distraction from the Cubs being terrible and getting hurt, and a great way for me to vent some of my anti-boston feelings. The Cubs have started to turn it around, which is nice. Maybe they'll trade Kevin Gregg soon.

Why I Won't be Mad if Ben Isn't on the Bulls Next Year

7 for fucking 23. 2 stupid ass shots in the last 2 minutes where all he had to do was pull the ball out and get a decent look. He must be the least efficient offensive player on the Bulls this year (I'm in no mood to look that up and be contradicted, maybe I'll look it up later.) And to top it all off, he was mostly assigned to guard House and Scalabrine when they were in the game, and they lit him up. I'm not doing the blame game tonight, because I don't have the time or emotional energy for it, but there would be a VERY large amount assigned to Ben (and a little to Vinny for not doing anything about it.