All time historical starting 5...

Sometimes, during the free time I have because I view reading assignments as optional, I have this recurring thought: what if people who lived hundreds, or maybe thousands of years ago, were really good at sports, but their skills went untapped because the sport had no been invented yet. For instance, Maybe there was someone in the Ming Dynasty who could destroy MJ in one-on-one. Or, maybe some peasant from the 1300s could have thrown a nasty slider and a mid 90s heater. Who knows?

This thought led me to another interesting train of thought. If you could pick any five historical figures to put together a starting five for a basketball game, who would you pick? Obviously, no actual athletes can be chosen, and the figures must be documented to have actually existed, (no Hercules or Paul Bunyan). After about an hour and a half (that is actually how long we discussed it) of discussion with my roommates, here is my starting 5, plus a 6th man and a coach. I like to picture them being announced like they do it at Bulls Games. So without further ado...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD NOW, THE STARTING LINEUP FOR YOUR WORLD HISTORICAL ALL STARS. AAAAT FORWARD, FROM MEXICO, MONTEZUMA THE SECOND

Montezuma is a great choice for the 3 guard here. Despite being undersized, as most people on this team are, he led the Aztec Empire at the height of its reign, and fell only to the Spaniards because he initially thought they were gods. With coaching, he could overcome issues like this. Plus, there would be no question about his heart, since Aztecs who lost sporting events were usually sacrificed to the gods. No doubt, Montezuma II play hard to avoid being sacrificed to the sun god.


FROM SIBERIA, AT FORWARD, 5'8", GRIGORI RASPUUUUUUUUTIN

Again, an undersized player, but most good historical figures were small. Rasputin comes with a great nick name, "the mad monk" and could certainly intimidate opponents. He is described as having long arms and legs, giving him great length as a defender. There are character questions (Despite being a clergyman, Rasputin was known to drink and have countless afairs with women, including one that yielded an illegitimate child) as well as questions of selfishness (many credit him with bringing down the Russian Empire). Still, the good out weighs the bad.

Rasputin's toughness is beyond question. During an assasination attempt, Rasputin was fed food and wine laced with enoguh cyanide to kill five men. When he was unaffected, one of his assasins shot him in the back and left him, only to return and discover that he was alive when Rasputin, who was pretending to be dead, jumped on him and tried to strangle him. During the struggle, Rasputin is alleged to have whispered "you bad boy" into the ear of his assasin. Finally, the assasins co-conspirators arrived and shot Rasputin three more times before dumping his body in the Neva river. When the body was discovered three days later in the river, an autopsy showed that Raputin had died not of his gunshot wounds or from the poision, but from drowning.

Would you try and post up on this guy? No way. I want him on my team.


THE MAN IN THE MIDDLE, FROM THE HOLY LAND, 9'6", GOLIAAAAAATH

I was hesitant about this pick, since Goliath is well documented as a soft player, (got killed when King David threw a rock at him). Still, anyone listed at six cubits and a span (which comes out to 9-foot-6) gets a spot in my starting five. Even Abraham Lincoln, my backup 5, has no chance of getting a board over Big G, and he would quite literally play above the rim, since he would be only four inches from it. I'm not in love with the pick, but I think his size alone makes him the obvious choice.


A GUARD, FROM EGYPT, MOOOOOOSESSSSSSS

Out of all of my picks, I'm most confident in this one, Moses as my point guard. Is there a better leader in history than Moses? He led the Jews out of Egypt and pretty much got them to the promised land, (he died on a hill overlooking it before he could get there). He'd make a great floor general, and he could part defenders like the Red Sea. No health issues either, since he is said to have lived to be 120. This is a slam dunk pick.


FROM NAZARTH, AT GUARD, JESUS CHRIST


I would feel silly if Jesus didn't make the starting five. Is there a better pure scorer in history? I mean, he took the sins of humanity on his back, he could easily carry a team. Again, there are questions about his competitive fire, since he is all about forgiveness, but still, if there's a final shot to win a game, I'm putting ball in the hands of the only son of God. No comeback is impossible, no deficet too great. A miracle comeback is always possible.


6th man and head coach...

First man off the bench would have to be Genghis Kahn, a tenacouis defender with a lot of energy and a merciless will to win. I see him as a forward, maybe a 2 guard. I'd start him, but I see him as being almost too high energy for his own good. I think he would get too fired up, make mistakes, and ultimately cost his team games. Better to let him watch for a couple minutes to keep his emotions in check.

Head Coach is Sun Tzu, a Chinese military commander and author of "The Art of War." I'm fudging a little, since there is debate on whether or not he is real, but I can't think of anyone better to lead a team, especially with some softness concerns.


So that's my team. Feel free to post your own five, or to debate mine, (although I see no possible weakness).

I also see this premise as being ripe for a video game. If any of you have connections with EA, hook me up.