Take your pick
Tom is righty. Tim is lefty.
Tom is 34. Tim is 24.
So far, so mundane.
Tom is second in passing yards among NFL starters this season. Tim is dead last.
Tom is third in completion percentage. Tim is dead last.
So is this article going to be about how much Tebow sucks?
Tom has won five games in a row. Tim has won six.
All by himself? Tebow must be great defensively.
Tom swears like a teamster who has stubbed his little toe. Tim says "Gosh!" and "Golly!" and calls reporters "Sir." (I hired a lip reader to monitor Tim in Week 13. The worst he said was an impassioned, "Let's go!")
Let me get this straight. You hired a lip reader to watch Tebow for a whole game, and the most interesting thing you can report him saying is "Let's go!"? Money well spent, Reilly.
Tom has a QB rating of 106.0. Tim's is 83.9.
But in the fourth quarter, Tom's is 91.0 and Tim's is 99.6.
QB rating is a terrible stat
Tom is a national sex symbol who's had two children, one out of wedlock with a stunning actress and the other with his wife, a Brazilian supermodel. Tim is a national sexless symbol, a proud virgin.
(coughexcepthemightbesleepingwithLindsayVonncough)
Tom has won 77 percent of his games as a starter. Tim has won 73 percent.
Tom throws spirals that could slide into a mailbox from across a cul de sac. They nestle into receivers' arms like babies returned to new mothers. Tim throws chevrons of mallards. He has more overthrows than the Arab Spring.
Chevrons of mallards? I get that mallards=ducks but what unit of measurement is a chevron, besides a gas station? He throws gas stations of ducks?
Tom has the seventh-best-selling Fathead poster in the NFL this week. Tim has the best-selling one. And the second-best-selling one. And the 10th-best-selling one.
Oh, so we're measuring quarterbacks by Fathead sales now? Wonderful, Dan Gilbert will be thrilled.
Tom is the ultimate pocket quarterback. He's as comfortable in it as Sarah Palin in mink. Tim treats the pocket as an electric chair. He bolts it like it's on fire.
I don't know what's worse, the dated Sarah Palin reference for Tom, or the fact that he doesn't even try to come up with a funny metaphor for Tim.
Tom runs like he's wearing ski boots. Tim runs like he's wearing ACME jet packs. In his entire career, Tom has rushed for 697 yards. Tim could very well run for that many this season.
Like Brian Urlacher said, he's a good running back.
Tom has lost games this season scoring 31, 20 and 17 points. Tim has won games scoring 18, 17, 17, 16 and 13.
Might this have something to do with the fact that New England is dead last in total defense?
Tom is aided by the NFL's leading receiver, Wes Welker, and a touchdown-gobbling tight end, Rob Gronkowski. Tim is helped by God, according to his pastor, Wayne Henson. "God favors Tim for all his hard work," the pastor says.
...God is playing wide receiver for the Broncos now? I missed that signing. Where were you on that one, Adam Schefter?
Tom is in his 12th season. Tim is in his second. Tom finished his second season with a passer rating of 86.5. Tim's passer rating is about the same, 83.9.
You already said that. Now you're repeating the same boring facts over again.
Tom was born in San Mateo, Calif., to an insurance consultant and has three siblings, all girls. Tim was born in Makati City, Philippines, to a Baptist missionary, and is the youngest of five.
These aren't even interesting anymore. It's like you're just taking random things off their Wikipedia pages and calling it an article.
Tom went to the prestigious Catholic high school Junipero Serra, where Barry Bonds and Lynn Swann went. Tim was homeschooled.
Catholic school wasn't religious enough?
Tom was mostly unknown in college. He sat on the bench his first two years. Tim was one of the most famous college athletes in history, a cinch for the College Football Hall of Fame, winner of two national championships, claimer of one Heisman and finalist for two more.
Tom was a sixth-round draft pick. Tim was a first-rounder.
Tom did not start a game as a rookie. Tim did.
When you compare and contrast Tebow and Brady this way, it's just abundantly clear how over-hyped Tebow is, and how good Brady is. It's like Reilly wanted to show the world how they were actually closer than you think, but none of his research backed this up, and he was too lazy to come up with another idea so he just kept it anyway.
Tom has won three Super Bowls, two Super Bowl MVPs and two league MVPs. He owns the NFL regular-season records for TD passes, best TDs-to-interception ratio, consecutive home wins and consecutive playoff wins. Tim is a favorite of Skip Bayless.
I can't tell with Reilly if he thinks this is a point in Tebow's favor or not.
Tom is Goliath. Tim is David. A 6-foot-3, 235-pound David who can bench 350 and flatten cornerbacks into peanut brittle.
Tom has 24 fourth-quarter comeback victories in his 11 years as a starter. Tim has six in, basically, one.
I would bet large amounts of money that Tebow never gets to 24.
Tom has no jokes going around about him. Tim has this one: Tebow asks for an audience with the Pope, who grants it. Tebow flies to Rome and the Pope gives him a tour of the Vatican, the Sistine Chapel, everything. But it's Sunday morning and now the Pope needs to deliver Mass to the 50,000 people waiting in St. Peter's Square below his window. "Come with me to the window and see for yourself," the Pope says. The two of them go to the window. Down below, an Italian guy says to his buddy, "Hey, who's the guy in the pointy hat next to Tebow?"
There are plenty of jokes about Tom Brady, but they're just as unfunny.
Tom has made 17 Sports Illustrated covers. Tim has eight, one more than Drew Brees.
Just as bad of a way to rate quarterbacks as Fathead sales.
Tom has 19 books for sale about him on Amazon.com. Tim has six.
So you ran out of info on Wikipedia and went to Amazon. See what you can find on IMDB!
Tom is the namesake of the NFL's Brady Rule, which prohibits hitting QBs below the knees. Tim is the namesake behind the NCAA's Tebow Rule, regarding athletes wearing messages on their eye black.
My God, it's getting more boring by the minute.
Tom is on a greeting card. Tim is on a Christmas card.
I'm sure both are on all types of cards.
Tom has been named his team's QB of the future. Tim has not.
For good reason (hint: it's because only one of them is good at throwing a football.)
Tom is 1-5 versus Tim's team. Tim has never played Tom's team.
Probably goes back to that whole "Tom is 34, Tim is 24" thing you were hitting on earlier.
Bradying is not an acknowledged English word, according to the Global Language Monitor. Tebowing is.
Both men would chew through a cement embankment to win a football game.
They play Sunday.
Who do you like?
Even though I already know the outcome, I think it was fair to say beforehand that I liked Brady more. Because you forgot one important comparison:Tom is a good quarterback. Tim is not.
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